Tag: Family

Husbands, Headship and Half-Baked Ideas

I know I normally write poetry, but something has been on my heart lately and for good reason. An exceptionally close family member has spent virtually all of her adult life trying to be “a good wife.” She absolutely abhors the idea of divorce, but she also has a deeply rooted and, I dare say, almost fundamentalist idea of what it means to be “submissive to your husband.” Consequently, she has consistently blamed herself, and only herself, for some really serious problems in her current marriage. (Her first ended after 25 years solely by the decision of her then-husband. She was opposed, but that’s another story.)

So, okay then, I say let’s take the more evangelical-fundamentalist approach to the idea of marriage, and let’s use what is doubtless the most popular passage of Scripture about marriage. 

Let’s take a look at the fifth chapter of Ephesians, since so many Christians, both men and women (interestingly enough), love to point to the verses where St. Paul says, “Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior.”

The Apostle has far more to say to the husband in this passage of Scripture that, interestingly enough, begins with the injunction, “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Yes, he goes on to explain just how the husband is to subject himself to his wife in sacred marriage. And make no mistake: Paul is explaining how the husband is uniquely to subject  himself to his wife.

And how is this?

  1. He is to love his wife just as Christ Jesus loves the Church, His bride. And how does Christ love the Church? He loves the Church with perfect, godly love. (Here read the “love chapter” in First Corinthians, that is, chapter 13)
  2. He is to give himself up for his wife as Christ gave himself up for the Church. And how did Christ give himself up for the Church? He died for her! So this means that the husband is to die to self to, first and foremost, live for Christ and his wife! And, of course, this entails essentially placing his very life at the disposal of the wife; no, not to be hounded and ground into the dirt, because the godly wife would not attempt to do this. However,  his life is no longer his own! It belongs first to Christ, then to his wife.
  3. He is to care for her and nourish her. Think about how the mother cares for and nourishes her children and you have a pretty good grid into which to fit this command. This command certainly goes along with dying to self to live for Christ and his wife.
  4. He is to cleanse her “with the washing of water by the Word,” which at first glance can seem kind of esoteric. Is he to literally wash her? No. This is really a reference to baptism, which was and is the symbol of rebirth. So St. Paul is essentially instructing the husband to “baptize” his wife (continually) by, first, Christ Jesus, who was and is the Word of God incarnate and, secondly, by the written Word of God, holy Scripture. Now think for a moment about this awesome responsibility!
  5. He is to “make her holy . . . without spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind . . . so that she may be holy and without blemish.” Think about this for a moment. On the great and terrible Day of Judgement, it will be the husband who actually presents his wife before almighty God, and the Apostle is essentially saying to the husband, “You’d better be able to present your wife before God as an icon of holiness, godliness, and heavenly beauty.” This is what the Lord God expects!

So . . . Paul tells the wife to be subject to her husband, but as we can see he had an awful lot more to say to the husband, and he did so in really grueling detail! This is not something to be taken lightly, by any means. This is the written Word of God, holy Scripture, laying down very clearly and firmly the standard for a godly, Christian husband. The (alleged) Christian husband ignores this to his own peril!

And this, really, should be enough said on the subject, but it does raise an interesting question: If the husband, as in so many cases, is not even beginning to “measure up” to this standard, and not even really trying, then is it really possible for the wife to be submissive to her husband . . . at least in a godly manner? One might think the first question should be, “Is she even obligated to be mutually submissive to her husband, who is not mutually ‘submissive’ to her as outlined above?” But I’m skipping over that question to ask if it’s even possible. If so, how so?

Far too many conservative, evangelical Christian women, I’m afraid, are like my dear loved one: They are caught — or trapped — in a sterile, one-way doctrine of submissiveness without bothering to really consider to whom and to what they are attempting to be submissive! To this I make two observations: 1) St. Paul was speaking specifically about a truly Christian marriage, and 2) he begins with the instruction to be mutually submissive (so that it’s not just a one-way street!), though the submissiveness for each is unique (and far weightier for the husband than for the wife.) And those are biblical statements, too!

Thank you for your time and consideration. God bless!

Haunted by Homelessness

Haunted by homelessness along with the voices
Telling him that loneliness is the best of choices,
He wonders how having no wealth
And losing his health is of the best?
Is this just another divine test with no place to rest?
Even the Christ said he had no place to lay his head;
Is to be without a roof or bed to identify with Jesus?
Perhaps it is best said this way so there is meaning
And some precious value to make the sacrifice true;
But there are many who wander these streets
Who are much fonder than this man has been;
Why should he sigh and cry over the lie
That he is being muted and persecuted?
And is it his business that the wicked are such ease?
That they taunt and tease him while dæmons haunt?
It is better to be the beggar than the wealthy wicked,
Especially when you have no choice or even a voice!
Ah! But so many scoff and tell him he’ll be better off,
And, of course, they know best from pleasant homes!
God! They could write a tome on the entire subject!
But this man greets the streets with fear and tears . . .

Thrown Back Into the Face of God, Part II

Oh the love and mercy God extends from above to his children
Pilgrims ever weary in traveling the Way by night and by day;
He sends his Holy Spirit to guide and direct, to check and affect,
To comfort and counsel the wrecked, to uphold the triumphant;
Ah! the Spirit, the Spirit of God! And the flawed are over-awed,
But to turn away from green pastures and spurn living water,
And wander back into the wilderness with lack of all wisdom;
To despise where the Spirit has led by the One who for us bled
Is an insult to God in the shameful cult of self and will but result
In corrupt disgust as an affront to the Almighty, a rebel scream
Issued from the midnight dream of one caught by brightly lies;
To take what God has freely given so ideally and throw it back
Is like an attack on the Eternal One himself!
And you, you’ve just begun your rebellion!
God rescued you from drowning, crowning you with his mercy,
But now you’ve jumped right back into the black, watery night!
Jesus grabbed you before you went under,
Yet you’ve cut yourself asunder from him!
Now comes to you the cup of judgment full with pungent dross
To drink to the last dregs because you listened and you heard
But then flew like a bird with blurred vision back to the absurd!
You began to obey but then ran away for your own sad desires;
But almighty God is not for hire! You can’t conspire against him
And win with the serious spin of your most deleterious desires!
El Shaddai is not at your beck and call; you will most surely fall;
For the Everlasting One plays no games, and this is your shame:
You jest as if life were a tragi-comedy and in this test the Lord;
You run this way ‘n that as if God will run the run with you too;
And now you have placed yourself in a living hell
And the bell tolls midnight but there is no flight!
Still, cry out to God and weep and sigh and fly to his blessed feet;
Meet him once again at the very foot of the Cross bent to repent
Of your foolishness, and there you may find mercy,
And he may unbind you from self-inflicted misery;
It may be that the Lord will deign to help you again,
And then you will rediscover your resolve to recover lost ground,
Inch by inch, pound by pound, to hear again the sound of victory!
Ah! but are you too lost in devilish fantasy and tossed by emotion
Which causes so much commotion that you cannot hear reason?
Oh, has the season of salvation passed you by as you fly so low?

Note: Please also read Part I

Thrown Back Into the Face of God

The Holy Spirit woke you in the night by the power of his might,
And broke the seal to reveal to you truth you didn’t know before
Because it didn’t show, but by glow of the screen covered scene
Became clear and the horror of it closed near to your own heart
And it tore you apart, but you cried out to God for his collection
Of wisdom, guidance and direction . . . and the Lord showed you;
You knew you couldn’t abide by the side of poison and infidelity,
And perversity and obstinacy, intransigence and unrepentance;
You heard the word of the reprobate, how you were unbearable,
How you were to blame for his own shame with no repentance;
In the midst of collision with evil and derision of the Adversary
You made your decision in prayerful submission to God’s lead,
Paying heed to the influence of the Holy Spirit in the confluence
Of truth revealed and reality that couldn’t be met with banality;
And afterward you solidly prayed and paid the sacrificial price
Of obedience, asking God for continued strengthening to stand
Against the band of dæmons ranged against you and enraged;
In supplication and dedication you resolved to stand by truth
And not waver in favor of emotions causing such a commotion;
You made your resolution as the difficult but necessary solution;
You would not grant absolution to a man of ingrained pollution,
Knowing what had to be done . . . but the sun rose one morning
And seemed to burn away your resolve and to turn you away
From all that God had confirmed and from all he affirmed in you,
From all that God revealed to be his will . . . all to grasp him back;
Then you began making excuses, taking no counsel from people
Who love our God and you, too; you threw wisdom into the wind,
And decided to spend time with such unapologetic evil unhealed,
And against better judgment and your very own commitment . . .
Oh! What’ve you done so soon after you had begun to truly fight?
And the battle rages as you turn the pages and you’ll only burn
As you churn in bed with all that was seen and said in your head;
And what will God do now? Will he save you for being a knave?
When you have taken all God has given and thrown it in his face,
Will he keep pace with you any longer,
Or gift you to the devil to shake ‘n sift?
You are now so bold in completely defying what our God told you;
Meanwhile the Enemy is laughing from his strong tower of power
In your home, which is not a home, and you’ll suffer with no buffer
. . . while the Lord wipes his face and washes his hands of this case!

Throw Off the Chains and be Free

Oh, now that you realize you cannot have the ‘he’ you wanted in me,
You cannot see beyond the ghastly trees that populate your forest;
Now you have determined to bind your heart, mind and very soul
To solitude in which you will brood for the rest of your life, and why?
Because you feel bound to culture and traditions that sound foolish!
If you have come to the One who won your soul, hear what he says:
‘If the Son set you free, then you are free indeed!’ So, then, be free!
Throw off the chains and shackles of the perdition of silly tradition!
Oh, be free, and spread your wings and fly high into the azure sky!
Be free and at complete liberty . . . This is your one and true destiny!